Nerdy Bob

Chapter 1

Long, long time ago in a galaxy far, far away in a swamp lived an ogre with a bad attitude. He was hired to scare all the little children in New York City. He thought he couldn't do it, but he kept telling himself, "I think I can." He did scare all the little children, and it was good too because one of them was planning to flood New York City and create a new island off the coast. The ogre was thanked and became famous. Soon it changed when an annoying spider-bitten freak told him that he was a fake. Mad the ogre cursed God, and God answered his prayers. God gave the ogre his powers, and the ogre used it for his own good. He did and it messed his life up. Mad once again, he bought a pig to eat. All alone in the world, he decided to keep it. When he got back to his swamp, he found that it was cleaned up. Unsure what to do with his and the pig's droppings, he decided to dump his droppings in the "swamp." The waste turned the swamp into a polluted dump once again. Angry, the Environmental Protection Agency bombed the swamp with an atom bomb. Now all was left was a radioactive polluted waste dump.

Chapter 2

Cheers rang out through the Lunar Base “Bungee Order Bulletin”, otherwise known as Lunar Base BOB. BOB, for 42 decades, had been designing what was known as “it.” “It” created more controversy than the “Is a tomato a fruit or a vegetable?” debate. It was a battle between liberals and conservatives, but the creation of “it” signaled the end of the beginning of the end of the middle of the middle of conservatism. Angry, the earthbound conservatives brought Albuquerque, New Mexico to its ruins.  Chief Bloch Glob, the head of “Project ‘It’” was a conservaliberalist (con-serv-uh-lib-er-ul-ist) a liberal who believed “it” shouldn’t be called an “it.” Asked why, he would say, “It is a human, not an alien.” And they would reply, “But it’s ‘it’!” That wasn’t good enough for him, but it was true. They had created the most dangerous creature ever. 42 decades of non-stop research, experimenting, and forced unpaid labor had created Nerdy Bob.

Chapter 3

The internet is a wondrous thing. It is the World Wide Web as most URL addresses boast. Except, it’s not world wide: it can be accessed by anyone in the universe. Not that they would anyway, for it was only a human creation with human fallibilities and primitive human ideas. In the recent magazine Universe Monthly, the World Wide Web was number 42,42,424,242 on the list of mass networks list; the number one was China’s holographic undercover intergalactic MMRPG (Mass Media Recruiting Protocol Guard): RuneScape, not to be confused with the MMRPG (Mass Multiplayer Role Playing Game) RuneScape (which is on the internet). 42 gazillion light years away, Ghyutiewyto (ga-EE-oo-tee-ee-why-too), Dwarf G for short, houses the great Radioactive Swamp. Its origins are explained in legend: “The Great Radioactive Swamp was created by the EPA because of the angry ogre.” 42 days later have passed now since the creation of the Radioactive Swamp and radioactive ninja bunny training is its number one industry. This small planet every year celebrates the non-existence of February 30 – the major pastime is surfing the internet because their servers were too slow for RuneScape. Being 42 minutes after the creation of Nerdy Bob, they found site after site about the great controversy surrounding the creation. Being conservative peoples, they decided to treat the situation better than the Albuquerque conservatives. It was time to put their practically useless industry to its first practical use.  

Story Last Updated On...
  • February 27, 2008
  • February 28, 2008
  • February 29, 2008


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